Humour corner (June)

Let them all pass their dirty remarks, right?

But I couldn’t resist something that felt so right.....

I  really didn’t expect to fall in love so suddenly; especially with such a bitch. But like all great things – moss, foot fungus, bushes (ya that’s right) – she grew on me. Nobody wanted me to have her. From my parents to my boyfriend (obviously, right?), it just didn’t seem right to them. But I couldn’t resist something that felt so right: her eyes, her nose, her furry back and soft stomach. I will wave my plain white flag with that elusive red dot jerking around on it proudly. Yes she’s a cat, and yes our flag is very similar to that of the Japanese, get over it. I was over gays by the time I was ten; love is love right? Norms, society, bestiality – they’re all just words to me. When I look into her eyes, or think about the time I accidentally brushed her butthole in the dark when she was in heat (she was meowing SO loudly and I was just trying to push her away), I know that we are meant to be. Like the origins of love in Plato’s Symposium, I believe we were once one creature, part woman/part feline, whom the Gods tore apart out of jealousy and fear. Yes, people will never truly accept us. A marriage between man and beast would diminish the sanctity of gay marriage. God says inter-species love is wrong. What about the children? But I love my cat. And I can’t wait to settle down with her and get a nice turtle. I’m pleading to mankind – let’s get it together now and we can feel alright. I can live with the hate – and the fact that she poops in a box….. Pussy Lover

I think this belongs to you

I

'm turning into a crazy old woman! I arrived home from work to find, yet again, that my neighbour's dog had been using my front lawn as a toilet. So, in what can be best described as a hissy fit, I scooped it up into a bag, stormed over to my neighbours and banged (politely) on his door. As I stood there I caught my reflection in the glass and three things struck me....1) What exactly was I going to say to my (elderly) neighbour if he did open the door.. 2) My face goes rather red when I’m mad and.. 3) I was holding a bag of dog shit.

Luckily he didn’t answer (or was still making his way to the door) and I legged it! Moral of the story?....Always ALWAYS allow for cooling off time, and I’m a dog lover!! YIKES!.......Puppy Lover